In a move no one saw coming, Donald Trump’s impromptu visit to a Pennsylvania McDonald’s has sent shockwaves through Wall Street, causing McDonald’s stock to soar by an unprecedented 200%. The former president, who famously loves fast food, traded the campaign trail for the fry station, and the results have left both the fast-food giant and its investors doing victory laps around the deep fryer.
It all started innocently enough. Trump, on a stop through the Keystone State, decided to roll up his sleeves and put on a McDonald’s apron at a franchise in Feasterville-Trevose, a small town that will now go down in history as the place where Trump sparked a meteoric rise in the company’s value. Grabbing a handful of fries, he flipped and seasoned with the precision of a veteran short-order cook while his supporters cheered wildly. Little did anyone know that this seemingly lighthearted PR stunt would turn into the best marketing move McDonald’s has seen since the invention of the McNugget.
Trump, never shy of theatrics, took to his new role behind the counter with gusto, barking orders like a fast-food general. “These fries? Perfect. Absolutely perfect,” Trump declared, beaming as he handed a fresh batch to a customer. “Nobody makes fries better than I do, believe me.”
What started as a casual meet-and-greet quickly transformed into a media frenzy, with cameras capturing the former president expertly wielding the fry tongs and manning the drive-thru window. Trump even handed out burgers through the window, telling customers, “It’s all on me. Best deal you’ll ever get. Nobody gives away more Big Macs than Donald Trump.”
For those watching the spectacle unfold, it was a strange but fitting scene for a man who has long extolled the virtues of fast food. Trump’s relationship with McDonald’s is practically legendary, with the former president once serving a fast-food buffet to a championship football team at the White House. But what happened next was more shocking than a secret sauce recipe leak.
No one could have predicted that Trump’s brief tenure as fry cook would do more for McDonald’s than years of carefully planned marketing campaigns. Within hours of his visit, McDonald’s stock skyrocketed by 200%, taking even the savviest investors by surprise. “I’ve never seen anything like it,” said one astonished Wall Street analyst. “This is the kind of surge that tech companies dream about, not fast-food chains. It’s like the golden fries turned into golden stocks overnight.”
As the news of McDonald’s stock boom spread, the fast-food chain’s executives scrambled to process the unexpected windfall. “We’ve had celebrity endorsements before, but nothing on this scale,” said McDonald’s CEO. “Frankly, we’re considering adding Trump to the menu. A Trump Tower Triple Patty, perhaps? People want more Trump, and who are we to deny them?”
Trump, of course, was quick to take credit for the company’s success. “I’ve always said I know business, and McDonald’s? Nobody knows McDonald’s like I do,” he told reporters. “The stock is up because of me. The fries are good because of me. Frankly, I might just buy McDonald’s.”
While Trump was busy boosting McDonald’s profits, there was one person notably absent from the celebration: Vice President Kamala Harris. The Democratic candidate has often mentioned her own time at McDonald’s, claiming she worked at the fast-food chain during her college years. Trump, however, has been less than kind about Harris’ claim.
“You know Kamala says she worked at McDonald’s, right?” Trump asked the crowd during his fry session. “Well, folks, I don’t believe it. She can’t handle a fry machine like this. I bet she didn’t even know how to use the ice cream machine, which—let’s be honest—never works.”
As expected, Trump’s jabs didn’t sit well with Harris supporters, and the rivalry over who can handle fast food better became the latest twist in an already bizarre election season. Harris has remained mum on the issue, though a leaked statement from her team reportedly described Trump’s fast-food visit as a “desperate stunt by someone who can’t handle the heat, even in the McDonald’s kitchen.”
In response to the stock surge, McDonald’s executives are now rethinking their entire marketing strategy. “This is bigger than the Monopoly game,” said one marketing exec. “We’re considering renaming the Happy Meal to the Trump Meal, complete with MAGA-themed toys. The kids are going to love it.”
But that’s not all. Rumors have already started swirling that McDonald’s could be in talks with Trump to make him a permanent spokesperson. “Can you imagine the commercials?” asked one excited franchise owner. “Trump in the drive-thru, saying ‘I built this McDonald’s, believe me. Nobody does it better than me.’ It’s genius.”
Meanwhile, other fast-food chains are scrambling to catch up. Burger King is reportedly in talks with conservative figures to boost their own brand, while Wendy’s is rumored to be considering a campaign involving their iconic red-haired mascot donning a MAGA hat.
Not everyone is lovin’ Trump’s McDonald’s takeover, however. Some critics have been quick to point out the absurdity of a fast-food visit impacting the stock market. “This is exactly what’s wrong with America,” tweeted one critic. “A guy flips a few fries, and suddenly the stock is up 200%. What’s next? Trump selling milkshakes for the Treasury?”
Political commentators have also weighed in, with some accusing Trump of using McDonald’s as a political prop. “He’s turning fast food into a campaign tool,” said one political pundit. “McDonald’s should stick to burgers and fries, not politics.”
Despite the backlash, McDonald’s remains committed to riding the Trump wave as far as it will take them. “We’ve never seen this kind of excitement,” said the company’s spokesperson. “If people want to buy more fries because of Trump, then we’re going to give them fries—lots of them.”
As Trump prepares for his next campaign stop, the question remains: Will he stop by more McDonald’s franchises, and could this fry-flipping phenomenon lead to an even bigger boost for the fast-food chain? And what does this mean for Harris, who now faces a serious fast-food rival on the campaign trail?
One thing is certain: If Trump has proven anything, it’s that he can turn even the most mundane activities—like making french fries—into gold. Or in this case, golden arches.
As Trump himself said after finishing his shift, “The only thing better than my fries are my rallies. And believe me, the rallies are huge. Just like these fries.”
NOTE: This is SATIRE, it’s not true.
